Ready to Listen, Learning to Talk: CFI’s First Event Encourages Constructive Conversations Across Differences  

As the 2024 election draws near, the breadth of differing views in our country is obvious—and so is the rising animosity. A Pew Research poll found that 90 percent of Americans believe that a high level of tension exists between citizens of different political parties. Some are responding by aggressively debating those who disagree with them, while others are terrified of rocking the boat and stay silent. How do we truly listen, and how do we speak the truth in love? 

Gordon College’s Center for Faith and Inquiry (CFI) explored these hard questions and more during a dialogue to launch this year’s CFI theme: “Ready to Listen, Learning to Talk.” On September 19 CFI hosted its first event of the fall semester, featuring four faculty members from various departments who talked about being self-aware in dialogue and how to have difficult conversations with people who are different from us. 

Scott Hwang: Intergroup Dialogue 

Scott Hwang ’05, Gordon’s associate dean of student engagement, spoke first, explaining the difference between intergroup dialogue, debate and discussion. According to Hwang intergroup dialogue is a tool to learn new things about people without trying to point out where they are wrong. This technique can help build relationships by putting an emphasis on trust and understanding. In contrast, debate is about shooting down arguments, and discussion involves disagreeing with the other person but resolving the conversation so as not to encounter tension.  

Debate and discussion emphasize a winner-versus-loser mentality, and they are easy to fall into. “We're not necessarily trained to do these things. It takes a lot of intentionality. It takes a lot of energy. It takes a lot of effort,” said Hwang. A more biblical approach is to make an effort to practice mindful dialogue with those who have different backgrounds and opinions, rather than trying to prove that we are right and others are wrong. 

Kenann McKenzie-DeFranza: Dialogue as a Gift 

Kenann McKenzie-DeFranza (education), who serves as Gordon’s director of academic innovation and strategic partnerships, gave a positive outlook on difficult conversations by highlighting the character formation that can take place during dialogue. “We should think about dialogue as something that's a gift to us. I encourage you to think about it as a way to increase your own self-awareness,” said McKenzie-DeFranza. Talking to someone about their experiences can help us identify times when we’ve misunderstood or assumed things in the past. 

Stretching ourselves in this way involves something called generous listening. “Generous listening is really about the humanity behind someone else; you're trying to see the person behind the perspective,” noted McKenzie-DeFranza. Rather than just focusing on a point of view you do not understand, pay more attention to who is expressing this point of view. Don't just listen to respond, but to understand them more, even if that means you don’t get to express your own point of view. 

Gregory Deddo: The Art of Seeing 

Assistant Professor of Art Gregory Deddo gave his presentation through an artist’s lens, comparing listening well with drawing faces. An exercise in one of his classes revealed that when students use their imagination to draw, they often get the face wrong. “They're filtering what they see through this imagination of what a face looks like, which tends to be an approximation,” said Deddo.  

He highlighted that when we use our imagination in conversation with others, we assume things about them: “Our preconceptions and misconceptions get in the way of both seeing and listening well.” To remedy this problem Deddo suggested “that we attend fully to the subject before us, forgetting ourselves, our preconceptions, our pride and our ambitions, our fear of failure.” 

Ruth Melkonian-Hoover: Difficult Conversations at Gordon 

Professor of Political Science and Director of Political Science and International Affairs Ruth Melkonian-Hoover gave a few examples of ways the Gordon community has tackled difficult conversations in the past. Some have gone well; others haven’t. One example was an event titled, “Who ‘Belongs’ at Uncle Sam’s Thanksgiving Table?” During this dialogue two panels of experts from various ethnic backgrounds and life experiences brought up sensitive issues surrounding colonial America. Students appreciated this event for its wide range of thought and constructive nature.  

Contrastingly, Hoover brought up the recent 2024 presidential debate watch party at Gordon as another example. While she believes that watching the debate together was a good way to remind students about their relation to this country, she also acknowledged that the debate was hard to watch. “It felt at times like a sporting event, with heckling from the fans that made it difficult to listen well,” said Hoover. "But having difficult conversations is just that—difficult.”  

Dialogue in Action 

Finally, the speakers had a Q&A where the audience could ask questions about their presentations. One question about debates revealed that Hwang and Melkonian-Hoover disagreed on the definition and effectiveness of debates. Melkonian-Hoover argued that well-structured debates can be helpful for understanding different points of view. Hwang was cautious to agree based on the emotional turmoil debates can bring, but he acknowledged that when he was a student and had to debate in class to defend a viewpoint that wasn’t his, it caused him to learn things he had never considered. 

It was a real-time example of the very topics these faculty members had been discussing—how to listen and even disagree with others, while acknowledging and respecting their opinions and their dignity as humans. Deddo concluded the event by offering the audience a helpful mindset for approaching these conversations: “Practice curiosity in all of your life. If you generally want to know about somebody else's background, and you're curious about it, they're going to be willing to share it, right?” 

Reagan Forbes ’24, communication arts